Rebuilding
From the old to the new!
Sometimes I sit back and look at things that are old and remember when they were new! I found an old bible in my closet that I couldn't throw away! It has been placed here, then moved there, I would always tell myself one day I will try to fix it. As the years passed it was still in the same condition.
It had notes from years past! It had comments from the quiet whispers of Gods acknowledgement of struggles I was wallowing in! Those moments are a distant memory that now are seen in a different light and in a different place.
I sit back meditating in my heart did I learn the lesson God was wanting me to learn. Did I take responsibility for my part in the situation I was dealing with. Was the struggle worth the growth?
The past can be positive if you learned from the lesson that moment empowered you to become better! Past can also be dangerous if you don't move on! If you stay there. Past can create a bitterness if the wounds aren't healed by forgiveness or surrender that only willingness to be teachable can bring! The children of Israel in the bible always set their tents toward the east and the back of the tents toward the west. Its funny how you place yourself in you mind or even heart matters you are the tent. Are you facing the west where the day ends and where the past is still in view? Or are you facing the east where the sun rises and a new day starts? The children of Israel were told how to place themselves.
Always look toward the east. Paul says, "forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before." Phil 3:13 We can't grab the new if we are still holding on to the old. Because the old will poison the new, it will tarnish the vision, corrupt the sight, and make you ungrateful because you still long for the old.
I sit back meditating in my heart did I learn the lesson God was wanting me to learn. Did I take responsibility for my part in the situation I was dealing with. Was the struggle worth the growth?
The past can be positive if you learned from the lesson that moment empowered you to become better! Past can also be dangerous if you don't move on! If you stay there. Past can create a bitterness if the wounds aren't healed by forgiveness or surrender that only willingness to be teachable can bring! The children of Israel in the bible always set their tents toward the east and the back of the tents toward the west. Its funny how you place yourself in you mind or even heart matters you are the tent. Are you facing the west where the day ends and where the past is still in view? Or are you facing the east where the sun rises and a new day starts? The children of Israel were told how to place themselves.
I have learned that bitterness comes when we blame others for why we are suffering in the past. The bible says if you suffer for your own wrong you should take it! And if you suffer for no wrong of your own and take it honorably then that is commendable with God! Few have been the time I suffered for no wrong of my own. Many times I have to have a mirrow on my own appearance and acknowledge that I did have part in the wrong! Missing the mark which means to sin! Is not the worst condition I have learned. We are all failures and sinners and no one can come to the Father without Christ! As a matter of fact to be a Christian it is an acknowledgement that we are sinners it's even a standard to receive Him as a savior! The funny thing is people throw stones at Christians saying, " I cannot believe they are Christians . " Its like saying sick people shouldn't go to hospitals! Jesus was a healer, a doctor, a counselor of the crazy mind, and a physician a Dr. Jesus Christ he is! We should come to him because we are sick, broken, needy, even crazy, and take off the fraud .
I have seen that sickness is a qualification to experience healing only Jesus can bring! We have to acknowledge our wrong and the worst condition I have found is when others don't really take an honest look at why they are where they are!
Are we thinking a nice car or fancy house can satisfy the nakedness that sin has ensnared us with! The exterior fixes are not fixes! Like a falling apart house with rotten wood cannot be fixed with a new paint job!
I have a friend who had a small leak on her house! I kept telling her to fix it when it was small! She just rolled her eyes and let it stay in that condition! Now it's a large leak destroying the roof, the wall structure, now there is mold, and now the weakness of the rotting wood has given enterance to rodents into her attic and the wall has now give room for rats to enter the home! She is now over come by the enormity of her laziness. She never thought her house could come to this! I think that how life is. We ignore our debt, we ignore our children when they are young, we ignore that we are divorcing, we ignore the nagging wife or asleep husband. We don't deal with problems when they are small many of us. We see bad behavior and ignore it. Excusing the problem as if it will disappear. Then when they are large we are overcome. We blame God as if its his fault that we have a mess. When he would whisper the warning that we ignored.
If we can't change where we are at then Christ would of never wasted his time to Die. He says I came to give you a life . Are you ready to do it His way is the question? When I came to him I was completely disgusted with who I became and was tired of trying to figure it out on my own. I realized my way wasn't working and I wasn't getting anywhere. To the point of suicide I told God I will give you a full chance. I will give you everything. 
I sat for a full day reading this old bible. Devoting my time to figure out this Jesus everyone was telling me about. As I went to sleep I planned for my last day thinking nothing was changed. In a dream He came to me! In a vision of my oldest brother telling me that everything was going to be okay. He looked to the heavens and said, "it is beautiful up here. Don't give up." My brother spoke to me that I was going to have a son in His Image and my other brother also was going to have a son. Just this beautiful light shone around me as I was looking up to the heavens listening to my brother speak to me. I woke up as if water had filled my insides and it filled me for the first time. I felt almost washed from the inside out.
I guess this was around 1992. I went and told my brother he was going to have a son made in God's image. At the time me and my boyfriend who were living together couldn't get pregnant. The desperation of wanting to feel whole. Dealing with my problems with external fixes which weren't fixing anything. Before that day of surrender but Months later I found out that I was pregnant and my other brother too was expecting a son too.
I had to allow surrender to come and take over by truly being serious to commit my heart and life to this wonderful savior. That truly did save me. He saved me from myself. He knew exactly what I needed. I just had to be tired of my way. So I could do it His way.
He says, "I am the truth, the way, and the life." He really is. Since my life has been so different. I have been loved by a God that is close and not far. A God that loves me enough to allow me be the worst possible person and He says he still wants me.
I know what He did for me is for all of us.
